Back and better than ever?

So I have been absent from posting anything of significance on this site for a variety of reasons. Number one: I am too lazy to think of anything to write. Number two, I am too busy reading about other people's lives on Facebook ( my personal addiction) and haven't taken the time to write my own interesting stories. Number three: I have been working out so much, I have lost all track of how fast the months have gone. Right. Ok, the third one was a lie. A big fat lie. Which is not the only thing feeling big and fat. Ergo, I return to this blog in the hopes of really motivating myself to be the best version of me.

I had a great cycle class today: not too hard, not too easy. I sweated a ton, just the way I like it. I ate healthily today and feel good about this Day 1. Perhaps if I write about how good I feel, it won't be easy to regress into some old patterns.

My biggest battle right now is believing that I am strong enough to take things to the next level and not be fearful of being tough. This short-lived but surprising battle with thyroid cancer has thrown me a curve ball in my confidence in my own body. I have been very positive throughout this short battle but the war isn't over and I keep thinking cancer might throw another bomb at me. And what if I cannot fight it off like I did this summer with my thyroid? I know that I am not the poster child for healthy eating and exercise but I do feel like my body has betrayed me and I now have worries. Every little twinge or tingling is a drop in my calcium, leading to an eventual seizure; every stomach ache is colon cancer in the works; every itch on my skin is skin cancer ready to flare its ugly head after working outdoors for 11 summers in a row. It is incessant in my thoughts and yet friends all say that I am looking good...

So, i return to my life pre-cancer...and even pre-work which started 3 years ago. Back to cycling classes, back to hot yoga 3x per week. Back to fitting in stuff for me while the kids are in lessons at the gym. Back to meal planning. All great ideas which should be the norm but have not been. It has to better so I can be.

As I lay in bed last night, I blasted myself about how I jumped off the wagon and let the dust settle over me. It has obviously been six months since I wrote... so much for competence in writing, as well.

I have been shopping on this trip and am loathe to buy ANYTHING that is not the size I want to be. Goal-setting experts say that I should divide my task into small, manageable chunks and then reward myself accordingly. My final goal will be to come back down to these outlets and spend a whack of coin on myself and feel good in my skin and in the clothes!

End of the Day... quick reflection

It's truly amazing how one can obsess with food when one is on a new eating plan. All day long I was looking at recipes and wondering if things 'fit the program'. This is the one thing I hate about 'dieting'- I just don't want to care about food this much. It should be fuel for my body. I know all this... why is it so hard to adapt my thinking?

That said, my workout was awesome. My arms are aching and I feel a bit giddy. I also did a Vinyasa Flow Hot Yoga class earlier. I don't know if I should be 'doubling up' on workouts but I use the yoga for my head more than my body. We shall see how that holds up for the next few weeks.

83 days left. I should check the calendar for when the DAY comes! Anyone else wanna check for me? I can't lift my arms to turn the page on the calendar.

Body for Life Day One

I found a quote by Billy Joel- at least I think it's correctly attributed to him- that says "I've reached the age where competence is a turn-on". One day after turning 42, I'd like to think I've hit that age with grace and style. Yet, I look at my physical self and wonder if I can be more than just competent. I'd like to surpass competence in the area of nutrition, exercise and well being. I don't want to teach these competences to anyone except myself.

After being on a perpetual quest for being healthy and fit (read skinny), I am now coming to the conclusion that it will be a way of life rather than a quick program. It's the process, not the program (which is kind of ironic that I say that because I use that saying at my work all the time as our parishioners go through Sacramental Preparation programs- a whole other post at another time).

So, I am venturing into Body for Life to learn how to eat and exercise for life. It is a 'time limited' program in the sense that there is a schedule for 84 days. 84 days I can do. I like challenges (which is why I did the 60 day Hot Yoga challenge and ran a freaking marathon in 2007). But after the challenge, I go back to my old ways of eating mindlessly, forgetting to workout, finding other things to do (like surf the Internet!)

It is with age that I will become competent- nay, brilliant- with living my life with an intention to be healthy, to fuel my body properly and to move it.

Day One of ???? Here we go.