So I have been absent from posting anything of significance on this site for a variety of reasons. Number one: I am too lazy to think of anything to write. Number two, I am too busy reading about other people's lives on Facebook ( my personal addiction) and haven't taken the time to write my own interesting stories. Number three: I have been working out so much, I have lost all track of how fast the months have gone. Right. Ok, the third one was a lie. A big fat lie. Which is not the only thing feeling big and fat. Ergo, I return to this blog in the hopes of really motivating myself to be the best version of me.
I had a great cycle class today: not too hard, not too easy. I sweated a ton, just the way I like it. I ate healthily today and feel good about this Day 1. Perhaps if I write about how good I feel, it won't be easy to regress into some old patterns.
My biggest battle right now is believing that I am strong enough to take things to the next level and not be fearful of being tough. This short-lived but surprising battle with thyroid cancer has thrown me a curve ball in my confidence in my own body. I have been very positive throughout this short battle but the war isn't over and I keep thinking cancer might throw another bomb at me. And what if I cannot fight it off like I did this summer with my thyroid? I know that I am not the poster child for healthy eating and exercise but I do feel like my body has betrayed me and I now have worries. Every little twinge or tingling is a drop in my calcium, leading to an eventual seizure; every stomach ache is colon cancer in the works; every itch on my skin is skin cancer ready to flare its ugly head after working outdoors for 11 summers in a row. It is incessant in my thoughts and yet friends all say that I am looking good...
So, i return to my life pre-cancer...and even pre-work which started 3 years ago. Back to cycling classes, back to hot yoga 3x per week. Back to fitting in stuff for me while the kids are in lessons at the gym. Back to meal planning. All great ideas which should be the norm but have not been. It has to better so I can be.
